Suicidality and Homeschooled Youth
Even if a youth is homeschooled, it is still important for caregivers to screen their child or teen for suicide.
Why Ask About Suicide?
Suicidal thoughts and urges get bigger the more they hide in secrecy, shame, and isolation. By asking about suicide, you show your child that suicide is ok to talk about. This may help them feel brave enough to share their experiences.
Research shows that asking about suicide does not put the individual at increased risk. By asking about suicide, you are not giving them the idea to die by suicide.
In fact, you may reduce the youth’s anxiety and help them feel comfortable enough to open up and get help. By asking, you may help save a youth’s life.
How to Talk To Homeschooled Youth About Suicide:
Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding asking open-ended questions
Use age-appropriate language and concepts
Be honest and direct
Listen actively and validate your child’s feelings
Talk about resources and ways they can get support
Avoid sharing graphic details about suicide methods or stories
Things You Can Say or Do:
“Whenever you want to talk, I’m here to listen and support you.”
“I won’t judge, and I’ll never stop supporting you, no matter what challenges you face.”
“Can you say more about that? I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I want to understand more about your perspective.”
The likelihood is that your child will open up when you least expect it, sitting side-by-side rather than face-to-face, in the car, on a walk, or engaged in some other activity together.
How to Ask About Suicide:
Be Direct!
“You know, when people are going through what you are, sometimes they wish they were dead. I am wondering if you are feeling that way, too?”
“You seem miserable. Are you thinking about suicide?”
“Are you thinking about killing yourself"?”
Remember….
If in doubt, don’t wait. Ask the question!
If your child is reluctant, let them know you are here when they are ready to talk.
Talk to your child alone in a private setting.
Allow your child to talk freely.
Give yourself plenty of time.
Know your next step.
IMPORTANT: If you cannot ask the question, find someone who can.
How NOT to ask the Question
Do not say…..
“You’re not thinking of killing yourself, are you?”
“You wouldn’t do anything stupid, would you?”
“Suicide is a dumb idea. Surely you are not thinking about suicide?”
These examples communicate that suicide is something to be ashamed of, when in fact, suicidal thoughts are a natural and normal emotional reaction to significant distress and pain.
Try To Avoid…
Language that feels judgemental or accusatory
Quick fixes or solutions to challenges
Bringing other people’s opinions into the conversation
Being defensive or combative
Using language like “You should” or “You didn’t”
The more parents can show compassion and understanding, youth are more likely to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and share how they are feeling.
How to Connect With Care
Asking for help can be hard. As someone homeschooling a youth, you can help the homeschooled youth get connected to the care they need and deserve. Here are ways you can get your child’s consent to get connected to care:
“Will you go with me to get help?”
“Will you let me help you get help?”
Let your child know they have people who can help in their community, including:
Counselor
Adult you trust