Training-gated
The hesitation is almost never about the plan. It is about what happens next.
Ask before you answer
"Can you tell me what concerns you have?"
Then hold the boundary. The move is shifting it from telling on them to building a circle of protection.
What to say
"I don't want you to call."
Do not promise. Be exact. "I am going to talk with an adult at home today. Here is what I will say and here is what I will not say. You will hear it from me before it happens, and you can tell me what you want me to leave out."
"They'll be mad."
"They might be overwhelmed or scared because they love you. Our focus is getting you help, not getting you in trouble."
"My dad will be really disappointed."
Stay with it rather than fixing it. "That is a real thing to be worried about. What do you think he will say?" Then: "What if I talk to him first, before you two talk?" Often the fear is the first thirty seconds of a conversation, and you can absorb those.
"It won't help."
"It might feel that way right now. But having them informed is how we start getting you support that does help."
"I'll handle it myself."
"I believe you are strong. Nobody should have to handle thoughts of suicide alone. Part of being safe is having an adult at home who knows."
"This is stupid, it's not going to help."
Agree with the part that is true. "A piece of paper does not fix anything. It is a list of what works for you, for a moment when you cannot think of anything. You do not have to believe in it today."
"I'm fine, I answered it wrong."
"Okay. Then this takes ten minutes and you never look at it again. Humour me." And see Module 5.4.
The sentence that usually works
"We can't keep this a secret, but you can decide how we tell them. Would you like to say it yourself with us here, or would you rather we handle the whole call?"
Agency about the how, when the whether is not available.
When the answer is nobody
A student who has no adult at home they would want called is not a gap in the form. It is the most important thing you learned today.
✓ Take Action. Slow down and find out why before you make any calls. See Module 7.5.
